It's 8 O'clock on a Friday night...

So crazy how much your life can change in such a short amount of time. Sometimes I get a little sad when Derek leaves for work at 8pm on the weekends and I am at home by myself.....All of my close friends are out and about doing who knows what and I am at home. I love being a mommy, but when Ben goes to bed at 8pm, I am alone and that is a little depressing. I don't have any CLOSE friends who are moms and at times that is hard. But, I also think about if I did have close friends who were moms, they would be at home at night with their husbands. It is a strange situation being a police officers wife. When most other moms want to hang out during the day, Derek is home so we do family stuff, but at night when I need company, then their husbands are home. It is a little difficult at times. (I am very proud of what Derek does and I don't want him to think I am not thankful for the hard work he does to provide for our family, so I don't tell him how hard it is, and I am not sure if he would completely understand how I felt.) Tonight is one of those times. Especially with me not having my own house, I feel like I can't exactly invite friends over to do a movie night, and most of my friends would rather go out, which of course I am not going to do. Not that I don't ever go out with my friends, but usually I prefer to get a sitter when Derek and I go out together, either by ourselves or with our friends. So I am in a blue mood, and I am sorry to be complaining. Does any other mom feel like this at times or am I just being a brat???

9 months old

I cannot believe that my baby boy is 9 months old. Before I know it we will be having his 1st birthday party. I have already started thinking about what theme I want to have at his first birthday. I am thinking dinosaurs or maybe a 4th of July themed birthday party. What do you think??? Ben's doctor's appt. is next week and I am very curious to find out how much he has grown.
Benjamin has recently started this thing where he will NOT lay still while we change his diaper. He tosses and turns, and let me say it can get pretty frustrating. We can't even change him on his changing table anymore because he turns over and can crawl out of him safety strap. What a little booger. I try to say "no" and give him the tiniest little swat, but he just looks at me and laughs. I have a feeling that we are going to have our hands full in a couple of months. I don't really know if it is possible to start disciplining a baby this early, but I say "no" and give a mommy look, but he just smiles and continues doing what he isn't supposed to be doing. I have just been using the method of distraction, which is working okay, but when can you actually discipline??? I am obviously not going to spank him at this age, we really haven't decided if we are going to spank him at all...just wondering what you other moms out there are doing? I just don't want our child to be the child that is out of control and doesn't listen. EMBARASSING!!!
Benjamin also has discovered that he loves to be naked. Which is why I think he wants to crawl away when we are changing him. Sometimes I let him crawl around for a little bit, but I don't want him to pee...or worse poo... all over the carpet. If we were in our house with the wood floors it would be bad, but we aren't so he doesn't crawl around naked too often.
House update: roof is completely finished, gas pipes in, plumbing in, new master closet re-framed, and new master bath re-framed. woooohooo!!!

Hello...again

I realize that I haven't blogged in a super long time, but I have felt so busy lately. I am now the teacher and director of preschool at Lincoln. It is great because my pay more than doubled and I am still working the same amount of hours, maybe a few more, but I bring home most of the stuff I need to prep for my days so I can be home with Benny Boy. I love my job and it is the perfect amount of time to be gone each day. I am only gone about 4 hours a day, and Ben takes about a 3 hour nap when I am gone so I don't miss much. I give you stay at home moms some props though, I don't think I could stay home everyday, I need that time away. Maybe if I was rich and could go shopping or something, but I'm not so I would be stuck at home....Plus I love teaching!!! It is a blast and good to know all those years in college have paid off.
The roof to our house will be finished this week, yeah! Then it should be pretty fast after that. I hope to be in our house by Ben's birthday, but that may be wishful thinking... We are making a few changes to the house. We are making our master bath bigger and putting in a tub, then we are also making a walk in closet for our bedroom. Then we are making a breakfast bar in our kitchen. I am super excited. It has been nice staying with the family, but we want our house back. While we are so thankful to Derek's family, we need our own space, and I am sure they want their house back.
Ben has changed so much, he has such a personality and is such a ham. He loves to flirt, especially with old ladies at the grocery store... It cracks me up.
Here are some updates for Ben:
-crawling all over the place
-eating anything and everything we put in front of him
-liking formula less and less
-standing up
-walks when we hold his hands
-sings when he plays on his little piano
-dances
-and he loves laughing!!!!
Ben goes to the doctor in a couple of weeks so I will post weight and height stuff when I get that info.
Oh and Jenna, I am totally Jealous!!!!! We will be trying in about 6 months for number two. Totally looking forward to growing our family.
To all you mommy bloggers, keep it up, and I will try to be better about it as well. It is so nice to know that I am not alone with what us mommies go through.

I love him so much it hurts!

Other new moms may not want to read, I don't want you to have bad thoughts!

I have heard other mothers say this before, but I never truly knew the meaning of this until Wednesday night. I was at bible study and we are studying the book of Esther. We are at the part of Esther where Xerxes gives Haman permission to Kill all the Jews. In our study we were supposed to put ourselves in the Jewish people's shoes. How would we feel...One lady brought up that she felt like this will happen to us Christians, soon and maybe even in our lifetime. She of course was meaning the end of time. I almost had a panic attack right then and there. My eyes started to tear up,and I could barely hold them back. I hadn't thought about since I had Ben. I know there is no way of knowing when the end of time will come, or what that will look like. But, it is scary. I can deal with people hurting me (physically and emotionally) BUT DON'T TOUCH MY SON! I got sick to my stomach thinking about it. If anything ever happened to Ben I just couldn't take it. So, what I am saying is I got super freaked out. I just started to think, "why did I bring a child into this world, if they are just going to be put through pain?" My baby boy will be hurt by friends, girlfriends, teachers, coaches....and I am just supposed to sit there and let this happen. My mom explained to me that you get mad, and it rips you apart, but it makes our children who they are. I am they way I am because of all the good and the bad things that happened in my life. I am not sure if any of this really makes sense to anyone else out there, but I just had to get it off my chest! I talked to my mother-in-law, and she said she felt the same way. I also talked to my mom, and she said she also went through this. I just came to the conclusion that I cannot live my life in fear. And the end result of anything will be that were are in heaven. Which is comforting to an extent (still scary though)... But what really helps me is to live each day to its fullest. We are happy, we are healthy, and we are blessed in so many ways!!

3 months old

Wow, my little man is one quarter of a year old!!! I just can't believe how fast time has gone by. Benjamin is amazing, and my love for him continues to grow more and more each day. He is so precious!!! Ben has rolled over (from his tummy to his back) 3 times in the past day. Now, we are working on rolling from his back to his tummy, but that's a little harder. I am trying to play with him more on the floor, but he gets pretty fussy after about 10 minutes of laying there. I did get him one of those bouncy seat things that you hang in the doorway. It says it is for babies 4 months and up, but I put Ben in it with a couple of blankets, and he seems to enjoy it. He is not all smiles, but he is content and is happy to be in there for about 20-30 minutes at a time.
Recently Ben's circ. has looked better and better, the skin is starting to pull away which is very good!!! It is still not completely healed properly, but I can tell it will be an easy fix. He goes back to Valley Children's at the end of the month.
Ben's personality is really shining through. He is laughing a bunch, and loves being tickled and wiggled. I have a feeling he is going to love roller coasters cause he loves being dipped around. His laugh is the most adorable sound I have ever heard. It makes me laugh so hard, which just makes him laugh even more. So fun!
Derek went to Boston he had a great time, but came to the realization that he is not much of a bar guy anymore. He said he was ready for bed every night by around 10pm, but his buddies wanted to stay out all night. He felt like an old man! I could tell he really missed Ben. He called and texted often to see how his little guy was doing. So sweet.
It is getting cooler here and it seems as though fall has finally arrived. Which is great. But, Ben needs some warmer clothes! It has been fun buying him warmer clothes. I got some cute sweaters, and long onesies. I actually just bought him some pants and they were 6 months, and they fit him!! He is so dang long..or tall, not really sure which word to use, that it is hard to find pants that fit. He is not super chubby, but he has super long legs. And finding socks/shoes that fit, well that's impossible. His feet are long and skinny. I had to by 12 month socks for him!! He is a growing boy, and it is so fun to watch the little guy grow!

2 months old

So Benjamin is now 2 months old..actually 2 months and one week. I can't believe it. Time has gone by so quickly, he is getting so big and his personality is really shining through. It is a weird feeling though...time is going by fast, but I also cannot remember life without Ben. It is a weird feeling not being able to remember what my life used to consist of. My life now is so much more fulfilling and meaningful, I am now much more important and feel like my life has purpose. Life now just seems to be perfect. Well...maybe not perfect, but pretty close to it. Once Derek went back to work I got into a pretty bad funk. I was really lonely at night and I think I may have been dealing with a little bit of depression. It is hard being alone at night. At night is when it feels like it should be family time, so when I am by myself it just kind of stinks. But, I have learned to cherish my alone time with Ben and to get out of the house and do things. I take anyone's offer to go out, and I am trying to be as active as possible. I am doing much better and hope to continue to well.
Ben had his 2 month check up. Everything is going great. He is in the 50th-75th% (13lbs.) for weight and 95th-100th%(24 3/4in) for height. He is super tall which is funny because neither Derek or I have super tall families. His circ. is still not healing properly. We have to go back to the urologist in 2 months and I am pretty sure that he will have to get his circ. redone. They gave us some cream to put on, which is helping but not fixing the problem. I am bummed and feel like a horrible mom for making him go through this. I have this horrible fear that something is wrong with his little boyhood, but the doctor assures me that it just didn't heal right. I will be happy when it gets all better. Besides that he is very healthy. His head is a little lopsided because he always turns his head to the right, so we are trying to lay him down so his head goes to the left, but he always rolls it back to the right side...
Ben laughs and smiles like crazy. His laugh is so funny, it cracks me up. If I was better at this blogging stuff I would put a video of him laughing on here because I know it would put a smile on your face. He seems to be a very happy boy which makes me feel like I must be doing something right!
Derek leaves for Boston in 2 weeks. He will be gone for 5 days.(I know Jenna this is nothing compared to your husband who is in France)He is already sad about leaving Ben for that long, yeah he hasn't really mentioned being sad about leaving me, just Ben... but since Ben is part me, I feel like he will miss me too!
Work is going good. I love my kiddos and it is truly the perfect job for me at this point in my life. I am not sure if I will want to make a career of preschool, but I am definitely keeping an open mind.
I am trying to remember to take one day at a time and be thankful for all that I have. We are tight on money right now, so I just try to be happy that I have a wonderful family, a house, food, clothes, etc. Especially since Derek works very hard for all that we have I don't want to always be negative about how much money we have in the back. We are making it and we will make it, and luckily God will always provide for us, he always has in the past!

Feeding the duckies

Last Friday we went to feed the ducks at Woodward Park. It was so much fun and the kids really seemed to enjoy it. Ryan seemed a little nervous at first because the ducks were following him around like crazy! To tell you the truth I was a little scared of them too. I thought one of the ducks might try to eat Benji. Kelsey was hilarious! Instead of feeding the bread to the ducks she fed the bread to herself. Man that girl likes to eat. So adorable! As for Ben, he just stared at them. He seemed quite curious of the duckies. It was a fun day! Oh by the way Woodward Park is $5 to get in. I know that this really isn't that much but didn't it used to be only $1 or something. It is $3 if you have a license that says you live in Fresno, but mine says Clovis... ridiculous! I can't believe that Ben will be 7 weeks old on Tuesday! Time flies by so fast. My mom comes on Tuesday as well. I am very excited to see her and I know she is excited to see Ben (and me!). I am starting work on Wednesday. I don't have kids yet but we will be setting up the classroom and meeting the staff. Should be fun. I am really excited to meet all of my kiddos though! It will be hard to be away from Ben, but it is only for 4 hours a day, so I am hoping it goes by fast. I am also looking forward to going to lunch with Jenna. It will be nice to meet with her since I don't think we have really talked since 8th grade! Fun week ahead of me!!!