Other new moms may not want to read, I don't want you to have bad thoughts!
I have heard other mothers say this before, but I never truly knew the meaning of this until Wednesday night. I was at bible study and we are studying the book of Esther. We are at the part of Esther where Xerxes gives Haman permission to Kill all the Jews. In our study we were supposed to put ourselves in the Jewish people's shoes. How would we feel...One lady brought up that she felt like this will happen to us Christians, soon and maybe even in our lifetime. She of course was meaning the end of time. I almost had a panic attack right then and there. My eyes started to tear up,and I could barely hold them back. I hadn't thought about since I had Ben. I know there is no way of knowing when the end of time will come, or what that will look like. But, it is scary. I can deal with people hurting me (physically and emotionally) BUT DON'T TOUCH MY SON! I got sick to my stomach thinking about it. If anything ever happened to Ben I just couldn't take it. So, what I am saying is I got super freaked out. I just started to think, "why did I bring a child into this world, if they are just going to be put through pain?" My baby boy will be hurt by friends, girlfriends, teachers, coaches....and I am just supposed to sit there and let this happen. My mom explained to me that you get mad, and it rips you apart, but it makes our children who they are. I am they way I am because of all the good and the bad things that happened in my life. I am not sure if any of this really makes sense to anyone else out there, but I just had to get it off my chest! I talked to my mother-in-law, and she said she felt the same way. I also talked to my mom, and she said she also went through this. I just came to the conclusion that I cannot live my life in fear. And the end result of anything will be that were are in heaven. Which is comforting to an extent (still scary though)... But what really helps me is to live each day to its fullest. We are happy, we are healthy, and we are blessed in so many ways!!
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3 comments:
Girl... I SOOOOO know what you're saying. It is so incredibly scary to think of all the hurt that our kids will go through. I just want to protect Jax from everything. But at the same time, I know that he needs those experiences to grow and learn... especially to grow and learn about God and His love for us. I think it's a pretty normal thing to feel how we feel! It's just part of being a good mommy!!
Good to read how you have begun to work through this. We are never promised that life will be one great party. Life is embracing all that comes to us and still living with peace and joy and hope. Love you young moms.
Hey Mary Beth...
I know you don't blog as regularly, but I wanted to let you know that you and your family are on my mind and in my prayers. Is there a new update with your housing situation?
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