I love him so much it hurts!

Other new moms may not want to read, I don't want you to have bad thoughts!

I have heard other mothers say this before, but I never truly knew the meaning of this until Wednesday night. I was at bible study and we are studying the book of Esther. We are at the part of Esther where Xerxes gives Haman permission to Kill all the Jews. In our study we were supposed to put ourselves in the Jewish people's shoes. How would we feel...One lady brought up that she felt like this will happen to us Christians, soon and maybe even in our lifetime. She of course was meaning the end of time. I almost had a panic attack right then and there. My eyes started to tear up,and I could barely hold them back. I hadn't thought about since I had Ben. I know there is no way of knowing when the end of time will come, or what that will look like. But, it is scary. I can deal with people hurting me (physically and emotionally) BUT DON'T TOUCH MY SON! I got sick to my stomach thinking about it. If anything ever happened to Ben I just couldn't take it. So, what I am saying is I got super freaked out. I just started to think, "why did I bring a child into this world, if they are just going to be put through pain?" My baby boy will be hurt by friends, girlfriends, teachers, coaches....and I am just supposed to sit there and let this happen. My mom explained to me that you get mad, and it rips you apart, but it makes our children who they are. I am they way I am because of all the good and the bad things that happened in my life. I am not sure if any of this really makes sense to anyone else out there, but I just had to get it off my chest! I talked to my mother-in-law, and she said she felt the same way. I also talked to my mom, and she said she also went through this. I just came to the conclusion that I cannot live my life in fear. And the end result of anything will be that were are in heaven. Which is comforting to an extent (still scary though)... But what really helps me is to live each day to its fullest. We are happy, we are healthy, and we are blessed in so many ways!!

3 months old

Wow, my little man is one quarter of a year old!!! I just can't believe how fast time has gone by. Benjamin is amazing, and my love for him continues to grow more and more each day. He is so precious!!! Ben has rolled over (from his tummy to his back) 3 times in the past day. Now, we are working on rolling from his back to his tummy, but that's a little harder. I am trying to play with him more on the floor, but he gets pretty fussy after about 10 minutes of laying there. I did get him one of those bouncy seat things that you hang in the doorway. It says it is for babies 4 months and up, but I put Ben in it with a couple of blankets, and he seems to enjoy it. He is not all smiles, but he is content and is happy to be in there for about 20-30 minutes at a time.
Recently Ben's circ. has looked better and better, the skin is starting to pull away which is very good!!! It is still not completely healed properly, but I can tell it will be an easy fix. He goes back to Valley Children's at the end of the month.
Ben's personality is really shining through. He is laughing a bunch, and loves being tickled and wiggled. I have a feeling he is going to love roller coasters cause he loves being dipped around. His laugh is the most adorable sound I have ever heard. It makes me laugh so hard, which just makes him laugh even more. So fun!
Derek went to Boston he had a great time, but came to the realization that he is not much of a bar guy anymore. He said he was ready for bed every night by around 10pm, but his buddies wanted to stay out all night. He felt like an old man! I could tell he really missed Ben. He called and texted often to see how his little guy was doing. So sweet.
It is getting cooler here and it seems as though fall has finally arrived. Which is great. But, Ben needs some warmer clothes! It has been fun buying him warmer clothes. I got some cute sweaters, and long onesies. I actually just bought him some pants and they were 6 months, and they fit him!! He is so dang long..or tall, not really sure which word to use, that it is hard to find pants that fit. He is not super chubby, but he has super long legs. And finding socks/shoes that fit, well that's impossible. His feet are long and skinny. I had to by 12 month socks for him!! He is a growing boy, and it is so fun to watch the little guy grow!

2 months old

So Benjamin is now 2 months old..actually 2 months and one week. I can't believe it. Time has gone by so quickly, he is getting so big and his personality is really shining through. It is a weird feeling though...time is going by fast, but I also cannot remember life without Ben. It is a weird feeling not being able to remember what my life used to consist of. My life now is so much more fulfilling and meaningful, I am now much more important and feel like my life has purpose. Life now just seems to be perfect. Well...maybe not perfect, but pretty close to it. Once Derek went back to work I got into a pretty bad funk. I was really lonely at night and I think I may have been dealing with a little bit of depression. It is hard being alone at night. At night is when it feels like it should be family time, so when I am by myself it just kind of stinks. But, I have learned to cherish my alone time with Ben and to get out of the house and do things. I take anyone's offer to go out, and I am trying to be as active as possible. I am doing much better and hope to continue to well.
Ben had his 2 month check up. Everything is going great. He is in the 50th-75th% (13lbs.) for weight and 95th-100th%(24 3/4in) for height. He is super tall which is funny because neither Derek or I have super tall families. His circ. is still not healing properly. We have to go back to the urologist in 2 months and I am pretty sure that he will have to get his circ. redone. They gave us some cream to put on, which is helping but not fixing the problem. I am bummed and feel like a horrible mom for making him go through this. I have this horrible fear that something is wrong with his little boyhood, but the doctor assures me that it just didn't heal right. I will be happy when it gets all better. Besides that he is very healthy. His head is a little lopsided because he always turns his head to the right, so we are trying to lay him down so his head goes to the left, but he always rolls it back to the right side...
Ben laughs and smiles like crazy. His laugh is so funny, it cracks me up. If I was better at this blogging stuff I would put a video of him laughing on here because I know it would put a smile on your face. He seems to be a very happy boy which makes me feel like I must be doing something right!
Derek leaves for Boston in 2 weeks. He will be gone for 5 days.(I know Jenna this is nothing compared to your husband who is in France)He is already sad about leaving Ben for that long, yeah he hasn't really mentioned being sad about leaving me, just Ben... but since Ben is part me, I feel like he will miss me too!
Work is going good. I love my kiddos and it is truly the perfect job for me at this point in my life. I am not sure if I will want to make a career of preschool, but I am definitely keeping an open mind.
I am trying to remember to take one day at a time and be thankful for all that I have. We are tight on money right now, so I just try to be happy that I have a wonderful family, a house, food, clothes, etc. Especially since Derek works very hard for all that we have I don't want to always be negative about how much money we have in the back. We are making it and we will make it, and luckily God will always provide for us, he always has in the past!

Feeding the duckies

Last Friday we went to feed the ducks at Woodward Park. It was so much fun and the kids really seemed to enjoy it. Ryan seemed a little nervous at first because the ducks were following him around like crazy! To tell you the truth I was a little scared of them too. I thought one of the ducks might try to eat Benji. Kelsey was hilarious! Instead of feeding the bread to the ducks she fed the bread to herself. Man that girl likes to eat. So adorable! As for Ben, he just stared at them. He seemed quite curious of the duckies. It was a fun day! Oh by the way Woodward Park is $5 to get in. I know that this really isn't that much but didn't it used to be only $1 or something. It is $3 if you have a license that says you live in Fresno, but mine says Clovis... ridiculous! I can't believe that Ben will be 7 weeks old on Tuesday! Time flies by so fast. My mom comes on Tuesday as well. I am very excited to see her and I know she is excited to see Ben (and me!). I am starting work on Wednesday. I don't have kids yet but we will be setting up the classroom and meeting the staff. Should be fun. I am really excited to meet all of my kiddos though! It will be hard to be away from Ben, but it is only for 4 hours a day, so I am hoping it goes by fast. I am also looking forward to going to lunch with Jenna. It will be nice to meet with her since I don't think we have really talked since 8th grade! Fun week ahead of me!!!

Ben's one month appt.

Ben had his one month check up on Tuesday. He now weighs 11 lbs. and is 23 inches long! I can't believe how much he has grown. He is very healthy and very strong according to Dr. B! The only thing is that his circumcision isn't healing right, so we have to keep an eye on that. He will have to go to the urologist just to make sure it will correct itself on its own, if not he may have to get it fixed...poor little pumpkin! I feel bad, and pray the it just fixes itself.
He cannot fit into any of his "newborn" clothes, so we are already having to put him in 0-3 month stuff. His newborn diapers are getting a bit small, which is good because we only have one more small package of those left anyways! It is amazing to me how fast they grow. He doesn't even look like the little boy we brought home from the hospital. He is starting to smile more now, his smile is absolutely adorable and it lights up any room.
I have given him a bottle a couple of times (with breast milk) just to make sure that when I go to work he eats well. He took to the bottle right away. It takes him a little longer to latch on to the bottle, but once he does he gulps it right down. I am excited to go back to work, but I am also sad that I will not have my morning with Ben anymore. I am so thankful that I got this job though. I will only be gone 4 hours a day, so I think it will work out really well. Plus I know Derek is excited to have one on one time with Benji.
I am trying to start scrapbooking now so that I do not fall so far behind that I never do it! I have started by ordering all of the pictures I want (at least for now) and I have bought the scrapbook and materials. Now, I just need to get started. I love doing it, but I hate the mess it leaves. I am deciding where the best place would be where I could just leave it all out. The problem is that it gets so cluttered and messy looking that it bothers us...I really want to buy a card table so I could use it in out den. Maybe I will have to invest in one. I know it would come in handy!
Tomorrow we are leaving Ben with Derek's mom while we go to dinner for our 5 year anniversary. We are going to miss Ben a lot, but we know it will be good for the two of us to go out and celebrate. We are going to go to Yosemite Ranch, which is one of my favorite places to eat. Once dinner is over we will go pick Ben up and have a movie night. I am looking forward to a wonderful eveneing with my husband!

One month old...

I can't believe that in two days Benjamin will be one month old. It is gone by so fast and my love for him grows more and more each day. I can't believe how much he has changed in the past four weeks. He already is bigger and looks so different, getting more adorable by the second!! He is doing great and is so precious. Mommy and daddy are doing great too. Derek is back at work, which has been a little hard for both of us, but when he gets home at 2:30 am Benjamin is awake to eat so that has turned into a really special family time and I look forward to those late nights! Ben is doing great with sleeping in his crib. He doesn't cry at all, I know he is awake just because he is making noise so I go and get him and feed him then put him right back down and he falls right asleep! I hope that this sleeping pattern lasts becuase it has been really nice not having to put him down and let him cry himself to sleep. Ben is eating really well. He chuggs for about 20 minutes and then is in a milk coma. It is pretty hilarious. You can here him chugging from across the room! He poops a lot, after every feeding, which means about 8 times a day! We go for his one month check up on Agust 3rd, so we will keep everyone updated on that!

Oh, and August 7th is our 5 year wedding anniversary! Derek is an amazing husband and a loving father and I could not have asked God for a better man for me, he is wonderful!!!

Benjamin Davis Scott

On June 30th Benjamin Davis Scott was born. I went in on Monday the 29th to the doctor, he sent me to St. Agnes to get an NST test done and an ultrasound to check the fluid levels. While at the ultrasound appointment the technician said that she is predicting Ben to be 9 lbs. 15 oz.!!! Derek and I just laughed and when we talked to our doctor he said, "no way he is that big" So we put that behind us, but we did find out that my fluid levels were low, so Dr. B decided to induce me. I went home and got my bag packed and had dinner, and we went back to the hospital around 8:30pm. I had to get anitbiotics so they did that and gave me a sleeping pill. Dr. B. was going to be in in the morning to break my water, he came around 6am and I hadn't had any conrtactions throughout the night, so instead of just breaking my water, he started me on pitocin and said he would be back in the afternoon to break my water. Around 1pm my water broke on its own, and my contractions hit pretty hard! They hurt, so I asked for pain meds. by the time the pain meds got there, about 45 mins. later, I was ready for my epidural. I had the epidural about 10 mins. later and after that I felt great!! No pain, I was still able to feel everything and move my legs, but absolutely no pain. I was able to sleep and truly enjoy the fact that I was in labor. Around 8:30pm or a little earlier I felt the need to push, they called the doctor, he got there around 8:45 pm I pushed for a half hour, and after a FULL episotomy (snip, snip, snip, tear) Bejamin was in my arms. The whole expereince, minus the 45 minutes of pain right after my water broke, was wonderful. However, I can't imagine doing it without an epidural. With the epidural I was able to truly enjoy the birth experince of my son. Now, Benjamin did not weigh 9 lbs. 15 oz. but he did weigh 9lbs. even!!! Which would explain the full episiotomy! He was 21 in. in length, and he is absolutely gorgeous! He is now 2 1/2 weeks old and we are loving our little man. We have already taken him to the Big Trees and the beach house. The more I get out the better I feel. The first few days I was pretty sore from the stitches, but after that they really haven't been too painful. I am feeling great, I am missing being pregnant a little though... but I am so happy to be able to hold Ben in my arms and to be able to see Derek with Ben. He has already proven himself to be an exceptional father. All in All Ben is perfect and life right now is pretty much amazing!!!

39 weeks

So, my ultra sound due date has come on gone... I am really hoping that this week is the week. I am miserable and tired, but I can't sleep. I am having contractions, but nothing that are regular for extended periods of time. At my doctor's appt. last week I was only a fingertip dilated and 70% effaced. I have another appt. tomorrow and I am really hoping that I have made some progress. Today I am very crampy and it feels like I am going to start my period..so who knows maybe that is a sign. My sister tooks pictures of us at Woodward Parka and they turned out great. I can't believe how big my belly is, it's crazy. I finally have stretch marks, but only on the right side beacuse that is the side that Ben is always on... They are not too bad and I am hoping that they fade away after my belly goes back to a normal size. Pray that this week is the week!
Oh, and I got a job teaching preschool for CUSD. It is perfect becsue it is only part time and I am home before Derek has to leave for work so we will not need to find childcare. Such a blessing. I get to teach, and get to stay home with Benji, it is truly perfect!!!

38 weeks

So, I am always thinking "it could be any time" but I know in the back of my head that I still have 3 or so more weeks. I am disappointed and feel like Benji will never be here. I will be done working in 3 days (FINALLY!!!) and then my mom will be here on the 17th, so hopefully that will make time go by faster. I know everyone who is or was pregnant has felt the same way I do, so I am trying not to complain. My friend Jenna had her beautiful baby boy, Jax, last week after like 30 HOURS of labor....which has made me start to freak out a little about all of that. I know everything will be okay and I am counting on everyone's prayers to get me through it all.

37 weeks

I am now considered full term, which means I could technically go into labor at any moment! Although, I am not getting my hopes up... I am not enjoying sleep as much as I used to. It is hot, uncomfortable, and I am up about every 1 1/2 hours to go potty, so that is not fun! Also, my feet hurt like crazy, and nothing seems to help. But that is really the worse of it. Swimming has been a life saver though, it is so refreshing and relaxing!!! We go to the doctor tomorrow. I hope he does an internal exam because I am curious to see if I am dilated at all. Ben's head is so low that at times when I am sitting if he moves his head it makes me jump out of my seat! I can't believe that in four weeks our little guy will be here. Derek is so excited and that is so great to see. I will keep you all updated!!!

35 weeks

I am now done with school, and am soo happy to be done. Now I can just relax. My mom gets here on Thursday, my graduation is on Friday and my shower is on Sunday. I have a very fun week ahead of me. Here are some picks of me in my swim suit. The water felt so good, and made me feel weightless. It was awesome!!!

RICA

I passed the RICA!!!!! WoooHooo

34 weeks

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! We had a very nice weekend, and very productive too. We started our Saturday off by going to our all day childbirth class. It was fun to go to, and we learned some thing that we didn't know so that was good. I was just glad that they told me where to go to check in because that was the one thing I was kind of worried about. We got done with that around 3pm, then we worked on the house. We got the extra bedroom all ready for my mom who is coming a week from Thursday for my sisters b-day, my graduation, and my baby shower!!! I am so excited. That weekend will be super fun.
We went to the doctor's on Monday. Ben is VERY LOW, which the doctor said is good because it gets the cervix ready, but something we want to monitor so I don't go into preterm labor. I feel like Benji has grown a lot in the past couple weeks, which is exciting but a little scary too.
I am officially done with student teaching this Wednesday. It couldn't have come at a better time because I have been getting tired more easily lately. I can't believe that in two weeks I will be a college graduate and will have my credential, and that in 6 weeks I will have my baby boy, wow I couldn't have planned that any better :)
On a side note, I am loving the warm weather, but I am hating the allergies, so if you think about it pray that my allergies go away, because sneezing with a huge belly is not the most comfortable thing!!!

33 weeks

Hi all! I am now 33 weeks, which makes me full term in 4 weeks, which is just CRAZY!!! We went to the doctor yesterday Benjamin's head is VERY low, which is good because if helps to soften the cervix, but is a little bad because I could go into pre-term labor. I told Dr. B that I was uncomfortable and that I felt pressure down low, and he said no wonder because he really is that low! I finally found 3 outfits that are cute enough to bring him home from the hospital in this past weekend. I will take all 3, then we will decide what to put him in when we are there. They found Key Stones in my urine sample, which means I am not eating enough carbs. He said I changed my diet to much and need to eat more. Those are words that I LOVE TO HEAR!!! He debated having me go in once a week, but said we can wait two more weeks, then after that it will be every week. I asked about an epidural, and I think that is what I will go with, unless I am able to cope with the pain medication they give me before I get the epidural. I also asked him other questions, but since my dad and brother read this... I will not share :) Needless to say we are totally ready and totally excited!!
Oh, I GRADUATE MAY 22nd!!!!!! I can't beleive that on May 22nd I will officailly have My Bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies and my multiple subject teaching credential with an emphasis in early childhood education. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am pretty proud of myself. Oh I also have to brag about how amazing my hubby is. He was in San Diego this weekend and when he got home he gave me a present. He went into a Motherhood Maternity store in San Diego and bought me my hospital outfit for once the baby is born. SO SWEET. I also got several text messages from the guys Derek was with telling me that all Derek was talking about was Benjamin. So adorable and so special to know how excited he is. I can't wait to see Derek hold Benjamin for the first time, it will be amazing!!!

32 weeks

So, I am starting to get uncomfortable. It has been so hot here, the nights are really not fun. Not to mention I wake up about every hour and a half to go potty, and that is not an exaggeration. I am so ready to be done with school and student teaching, and am so so ready for Benji to be here. We went to the doctor on Monday, everything is going good. The heart beat was perfect, as usual, and I am still measuring about 2 weeks ahead of schedule. I now go to the doctor every two weeks. I am excited about this because it is one more thing that will help the time go by fast. I am still looking for the perfect outfit to bring Benji home in, and nothing is cute enough. So let me know if you see any cute outfits at stores!

31 weeks

Hi! So I am now 31 weeks, and I feel like Benjamin is running out of room to grow. My tummy is as hard as a rock and my belly button, which is still an innie, is extremely small. I have a doctors appointment on Monday. It will be a short one, they actually called us and asked us to be there at 7:45am instead of 8, because Dr. B. has to leave for jury duty at 8:30. Kind of a bummer, because this means he will be rushed, but knowing Dr. B. we won't be able to tell he is rushed. I can't believe we only have around 9 more weeks, give or take a week or so. April is almost over already, then May will be here and I will be grauationg and completeing the credential program so that will be exciting. I only have 3 1/2 more weeks of student teaching, which is awesome, I don't think I could have lasted much longer with those long days!! Derek and I finally bought a rug for the living room and one for the family room. We wated one so that Benji could lay on the floor on a blanky and not have to be on a hard surface. His room is completed, his clothes are washed, now all we need is a little baby. I am also very excited for my baby shower, which is in May. Oh, I saw a friend from highschool who is due 5 days after me, and her tummy was way bigger than mine. So maybe Benji won't be the giant baby baby we thought he was going to be after all. He is still moving around, but not as much. He is 17 inches long, and well, he just doesn't have the space he used to. It is weird to think that he is almost as long now as he will be when he is born, just really skinny! I also can't wait for my momma to come see me!!! Unfortunately we will be poor when she comes, so we will be taking a lot of walks and hanging around the house. We decided that I am going to work up until 2 weeks before my due date, Just so I get my full pay and not he 6o% from disabiilty. I am a little worried about financial situations once Benji gets hear, but I know that God will provide, and our priorities will change so we will be fine! Well, now that I am rambling on... I better go. I have my last test for the credential that I have to take today. It is the RICA, and I am not looking forward to taking a test on a Saturday, but hey, at least it is the last one!

Happy Easter!

Have a great Easter Sunday!

Love,

The Scotts

30 weeks

30 weeks, and feeling great!!! I can't believe I get to meet my little man in about 10 weeks..maybe even earlier if he is ready. I had spring break this week, so no student teaching. I got so much done. I painted our whole bedroom!!! Derek and I also finished the baby's room. It is pretty cute if I do say so myself. Derek also planted the grass in the backyard, so we are crossing our fingers that it actually will start to grow! Benjamin is moving a lot, but I can tell he is still in the same position as he was at my last doctors appointment. His head is down, his butt is on the right, and his arms and legs are punching and kicking me on the left side. He weighs a little over 3 pounds and is about 17 inches in length. Crazy to think he is almost as tall now as he will be when he is born. He is just very skinny! We are becoming more anxious and more excited with every week that passes, we just can't wait to hold our Benji Bear!!!!

29 weeks

So, I am now 29 weeks. Sorry it has been so long since I last posted, I am a busy girl :) Well, I was diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes, so that is stressful and concerning. basically I just have to change my diet and eat different types of carbs and try to stay away from sugar. Since I am just borderline I do not need to get insulin or check my blood sugar levels every day, so that is good. I also have to start exersizing more often. So that leads me to today. I walked about 2 1/2 miles with Ella, who I practically had to drag towards the end. I walked all the way to my in-laws house and then Derek came and picked me up. Then we went to Big Hat Days, and walked more. So I am tired, but feeling very good about myself.
Spring break has oficially started and I am so happy about that. I only have 5 1/2 weeks of school and I will be done forever!!! Which is pretty much amazing, and I am pretty proud of myself :) I am getting really excited about Bejamin coming home, I have had dreams like crazy that we are leaving the hospital with our little boy. I am ready for him to be here and I can't beleive I still have to wait almost 3 months to hold him. Derek is getting very excited too, it is all we talk about!
Speaking of Derek, one of the Chapelins at work told Derek her had a dream about him and in his dream Derek was the Chief! I am not sure how I feel about this...maybe it was a prophetic dream. I thought it was funny, but I can also see that Derek would actually be really great at it. He really cares about this community and wants to make a difference...anways just thought I would share that with you.
Oh, we finally registered..please take a look at our registry (babys r us) and see if we missed anything. I already had an infant travel system/carseats, the furniture, and a rocker so those things we don't need. But, Derek and I are pretty certain that we must have missed something!
We also have a lot of projects going on around the house. We are getting the backyard ready to be seeded, hopefully at the end of this month, plus we are trying to get the baby room in order. Derek is refinishing the furniture, and it looks awesome! It is darker now, and matches so nicely with the walls. We are trying to get more decor pieces, but we are being frugal about that, so we buy bits and pieces here and there.
I feel like I am getting bigger by the day, which is fun, but a little bit uncomfortable. Ben is still moving like crazy but now I get to guess what part of his body I can feel. Of course I can't really tell what is what, but I do know his head is loving the right side of my tummy! The other night Derek and I were eating and Ben curled up on my right side of my tummy into a little ball, it was hilarious because it was like the size of a canetlope, and it was just on the right side, then the left side of my tummy didn't even look like I was pregnant. We were a little freaked out, but were laughing so hard that it hurt. I love those moments!!!

26 weeks

Here is your picture mom... more to come. Melanie is going to take pictures of us in about a month. I am now 26 weeks along. I have been experiencing cramps in the lower part of my tummy. They are cramps that last a while so I called my doctor and he thinks that it is just the position of the baby. I know I am carrying him really low so when he said that it made sense and made me feel a lot better. He is still moving around like crazy and the cramps are not consistent, they are more random so I am not going into labor or anything. We go to the doctor on March 23rd, I can't believe that in no time at all we will have our little Benji Bear right in our arms!!!

25 weeks

Hello. So I am now 25 weeks along. I can't believe that in about 15 weeks I will be holding my son, I am getting so excited. I do not feel like I have grown that much, but people still keep telling me how big I am. I am surprised that my tummy is still so low. I have heard that most people carry boys low, so I guess that it is true. I have been trying to watch what I eat, I have cut candy out completely, but I am still craving sweets. I am especially craving pineapple, Frosted Flakes and Honey Nut Cheerios. I eat a bowl of cereal in bed every night... I figure it is healthier then eating a Carmello in bed every night. My back is starting to hurt, and my ankles are sore too. I do not think it helps that I sit in a tiny little chair all day that is made for first graders. Student teaching is going great. It is fun, challenging, and rewarding. I still do not know what to do once Benji Bear comes. Should I look for a full time teaching job, just substitute, or stay at Pier 1? I want to be a stay at home mom, but then part of me want to teach because I have worked so hard for the past 5 years to get where I am with my career and schooling. I wish someone else could make this decision for me. With the economy the way it is though, it is possible that Fresno and Clovis won't be hiring. So maybe the decioson has been made for me. Luckily Derek and I can afford me working very little. We would really be stretching it if I didn't work at all, but with working around 15-20 hours a week we would be comfortable. I think it is normal to have some finacial worries about bringing a baby into this World. I want to make sure Benji has everything he could ever need/want. We can take care of the needs, and I think the Grandmas and Grandpas have the wants covered ;) I have had two friends of friends give birth this past week. Both of the women that gave birth were only about 4-6 weeks ahead of me. One of the babies only weighs 2 1/2 lbs. She is doing "good", I use quotes because she is obviously struggling, but the doctors truly think she will make it. It makes me so sad to hear stories like that, and it makes me nervous. You never think that something like that could happen to you and your baby, but it can. I just pray everyday that Benji stays in there until he is strong and ready!!!
On a happier note... Benji Bear is moving like crazy. Now I can see him and feel him rolling around and twisting and turning. It freaked me out the first night that he did it because my whole tummy moved. It made me laugh though, and when I laughed I discovered that my belly button just isn't the same. It is not an outie yet, but when I laugh it turns into this little mouth looking thing. It is hilarious. I am loving being pregnant, and I am loving being able to feel him move all throughout the day. It makes my day so much better to feel him. Derek and I just got back from the coast. We were there all weekend. It was so nice. 65 degrees and sunny, amazing! All we talked about was that the next time we went to the beach house we would have our little man with us.

23 weeks

Hello again. So I am now 23 weeks. I had my doctors appointment last Thursday. It went well. We heard the heartbeat, he said it was nice and strong. I love hearing the heartbeat and I wish I could just sit there all night long listening to it. Dr. B. said that I gained too much weight, and that I have to start watching what I eat. I gained 10 lbs in one month...YIKES! I have been on a candy kick lately, so now I need to eat healthy. He also said I need to walk more, so I am starting to try to do that. Another area of concern he talked about was my blood type and the blood type of the baby, so the next time I go in I have to get more blood work done to make sure my body isn't attacking the babies blood. That sounded scary, but is fixed with a shot, and apparently it is not that uncommon. I had just never heard of it before. Also my immunity to measles and rubella is low so I cannot be near anyone with a fever/rash. Which may be a challenge because I work with 21 6 years old 1st graders. So please pray for that. I can't believe that our baby bear will be here in 4 months. Derek and I are so ready for this baby to enter our lives. Benjamin is moving a lot now and we can see him kicking. It cracks us up! In church today he was kicking and kicking and Derek and I could not stop laughing. It was fun.
I have been feeling lazy lately and our house is a mess and laundry needs to be done. I feel bad and like I am a bad wife and going to be a bad mommy, but I feel so busy and cleaning is the last thing I want to do when I have an hour between student teaching and work. I have decided to dedicate my next day off to some serious deep cleaning. I can deal with the mess for a while, but then it just gets to me. Usually Derek does most of the cleaning, but he has been so busy with getting the house together, that it is my turn to clean. I just need to get it done!!! Or, maybe I should just hire a maid until school gets out. Ya think Derek will go for that???

22 weeks

Hello! So I am now 22 weeks. I have been sick for the last couple of weeks, I blame it on my first graders who refuse to cover their mouths while coughing! Oh well, I guess I better get used to it! I had a mild freak out after not getting a good nights rest for the 5th night in a row. I cried I yelled at Derek, I threatened to quit my job and school, but I am better now. Derek wants me to quit my job. But, I have the easiest job ever and I only work around 15 hours a week. So I have decided to just do it until I literally can't. Plus I love the people I work with, so I would miss the relationships. I am fine as long as I DO NOT get sick again. It was miserable. I already am breathing heavier because of being pregnant. Adding not being able to breathe out of my nose was horrible. I was always out of breath and it was not fun. I am still coughing, but besides that I am doing great. I can feel Benjamin pretty much all the time now, which is really cool. Derek felt him last week and thought that was cool. Last night he was able to feel one hard kick and then he could feel him rolling around. he kept say, "dang he is getting big". It was super fun. Derek also likes to remind me of my ever growing belly. Which I love. Being pregnant is amazing and I love the stares and I also the the belly rubs people give. Maybe I will get sick of it, but for now I am loving it. I have my monthly check up this Thursday. I am excited to hear the heartbeat again. I love going to the doctor because it means I am that much closer to meeting my little man!!!

20 weeks

That's right I am half way there, which is pretty much crazy. I have been sooo busy lately, which is good because I just want June to get here. I started back at school, my LAST semester. YEAH!I am doing my final student teaching. I am at Fancher Creek which is a Clovis school. I love it there. It is a Title I school and it is the exact kind of school I want to teach at. My master teacher is amazing and supportive!
So enough about that let me tell you what has been going on with Benjamin. He is moving and grooving. I can feel him kick and I can also feel him twisting around. I feel him at least once a day. Last Friday I even was able to place my hand on my belly and I could feel him moving. Of course every time I tell Derek to come feel Benjamin decides to be very still. I feel like my tummy is growing more everyday. I can feel it stretching and I am applying oil like crazy so that I do not get stretch marks. I am still loving being pregnant but growing more anxious to meet Ben. I already love him and I know that feeling will only become more intense when I can see him and be able to hold him. I am also waiting for that moment when Derek gets to hold his son.
My last doctors appointment sucked. We waited for about an hour in the room before Dr.B saw us, apparently there was an emergency so he got a bit behind schedule. It just stinks because our appointments only last 15 minutes, so wait to wait that whole time was not fun. Derek can only look at Women's Home Journal so many times before he starts to get antsy. When he came in we listened to the heart beat :), and then he measured me. After measuring me he said, "are you sure that the tech. said their was only one in there" So yeah, I am still big. I just keep thinking about My Big Fat Greek Wedding when that woman's twin was in her neck, hopefully Ben did not absorb his twin sibling!!! So he said I was measuring big, but we will wait to see when I can start feeling movements to see if we need to move up my due date again. I have begun to realize that due dates do not mean anything and that Ben will enter this World whenever he is ready. So My due date could again be moved up to June 13, which is only about 7 days after I graduate. So I at least hope that he stays in until I am done with school. But if not, I will deal!!!
Derek painted Ben's room, all that is left is to buy decor and to put up the chair rail. I think it looks great! Derek did a wonderful job.

17 weeks

Well I am feeling really great. So great that I don't really feel pregnant, which kind of worries me. I have felt the baby move, it feel like little twitches, but I do not feel him move everyday which also makes me worry. I can't wait for him to kick me on a regular basis so I know that our little guy is happy and healthy! I know those of you that have been pregnant think that it is crazy for me to want to be kicked... but I can't help it. I also have one of those baby microphone things and you are supposed to hear the heart beat, but all I can hear is my tummy growling, so that is also upsetting. It was only $20 and it is not good quality and from what I have read online I am not the only one who cannot find the heart beat with one of those things. I have to remember that God has a plan for us and a plan for our little guy, this helps comfort me when I am worried, although it does not keep me from worrying!!! So for now I am good, yet anxious and cannot wait for my mom and dad to come see me!!!!

Ultra Sound

So we went in for our ultra sound today, and we found out we are having a little boy! We are so excited. I was not that surprised, I had a dream when I was about a month along that the doctor told me it was a boy. We are just so happy and it was so fun to see our son. He moves around a lot. The technician told us that we have a wild one on our hands, which does not surprise considering Derek cannot sit still for more than an hour... Our baby boy was twisting and turning and kicking off of my tummy. I think I can finally feel him moving, but only at night when I am really still and laying on my left side. I cannot wait for Derek to feel him move. We were sure we were going to name him Davis, but now that we know we are having a boy we are not sure. We also like Benjamin and Logan. What do you think? Oh, and my due date got moved up a week, so I am now 16 weeks and 2 days which puts my due date on June 20th.

15 weeks and back from Hawaii

So we are back. The trip was amazing and was way too short. I now think I am getting a cold...not good, so I am trying to get as much rest as possible. I am now 15 weeks and 2 days. I may have felt the baby move once, but that also could have been gas... so who knows. I have a real ultrasound on Wednesday and we are praying to find out the sex. I hope the baby is not modest and has its legs wide open:) I am excited but not looking forward to having to drink 24 oz. of water an hour before and not going to the potty. I am sure I will be in pain. Just wanted to give everyone a brief update, I will write more on Wednesday!!!